Everywhere is Nowhere

Awan di atas bumbung rumahku

2010-07-02T09:21:00.000-07:00

Time Lapse - Clouds from Persafect on Vimeo.

Video Time-Lapse pertama ku.
~ Awan bergerak2 dgn riang dan suka hati :P ~

Shot using Canon EOS 500D
Edit with Adobe After Effects CS4
Song: Leaving On A Jet Plane by Will (Glee)

Short Documentary Film

2010-05-08T16:48:00.000-07:00

A day in a Life of an Indipendent Filmmaker from Persafect on Vimeo.

This is our first short documentary film from us, the Visionary Dummies. Yes... D.U.M.M.I.E.S. But we are not just ordinary dummies. We have vision! We all learn anything from basic as newbies or noob if you like to call it. We also wanted to be the best and that is why we have our own vision to achieve that. So yeah... Dummies with Vision = Visionary Dummies!

Director - Syahirah bt Mohd Radzuan
Asst. Director - Gayathrie d/o Devasanapathy
Editor - Muhammad Azfar b. Mohd Sobri
Asst. Editor - Sheikh Ahmad Fadhil bin Sh. Ishak (myself)
Sound Editor - Mohd Hadiy Syakir b. Mohd Khir
Art Director - Ili Farhanah bt Norizan
Director of Photography - Sheikh Ahmad Fadhil bin Sh. Ishak (myself)

This video is mostly edited by me.

mari belajar buat smiley

2010-05-06T06:06:00.000-07:00

Perbualan bersama adik darjah 2 melalui account Facebook ibunya...

nama di-censored-kan atas sebab privacy

Ya~! dia sudah belajar untuk buat " :D " dan muka ejek " :P "

Inilah dia Haiqal :p

Friday prayer

2009-10-16T21:30:00.000-07:00

It's a special day, it's Friday.
Why does it special?

Tomorrow is holiday for school?
Because it's the end of the week?
For those who born on Friday will be given a name "Sheikh" or "Syed"?

I'm sure there are more than that which makes Friday a special day. But What does male Muslim do in Friday? What do we do?

Yes, It's Friday Prayer.

We go early to the Masjid to hear khutbah in order to strengthen our aqidah, iman and also our understanding in Islam itself. Just hearing the khutbah itslef, Allah the Almighty give us pahala. Isn't the God is the most generous and most merciful? But there is another thing behind that...

Then one day... after the prayer ended, and when most of the people have went out of the Masjid, my Dad show me something that I didn't really aware of before. We are on the top floor inside the Masjid and my dad says to look down below us.

"Fadhil tau tak kenapa Abah selalu solat sunat lepas sembahyang jumaat? cube tgk kat bwh sana".

And so I look down like my fatrher said, and there are still quite a number of people that still sit sit down praying, recite Quran and du'a. Well, I know what they are doing but I don't really get why. I just thought they wanted pahala. Then my dad said,

"Sebabnya dlm hari Jumaat, iaitu yg bermula daripda Maghrib semalam hingga Maghrib malam ni, ade SATU ketika dimana Allah akan terima segala doa kita. Dan orang2 yg kat bawah tu, yg tengah sembahyang, berdoa dan baca Al-Quran... mereka tau akan perkara ni".

That is why... Friday is so special. So make it the best out of you~

Ramadhan al-Mubarak

2009-09-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

Patut nye post mnde ni dr awal bulan ramadhan. Tetapi disebabkan kemalasan meng-update-kan blog menyelubungi diri... susah sket la :p

For The People Who Are Still Alive

2009-08-16T04:16:00.000-07:00

First time tgk video ni aku nangis...
Tak tau asal...
Tapi lagu die best
Typography die pon bleh tahan best~ :P

Thx to ilif for showing me this video <:

3D Modelling: 1st Assignment

2009-07-31T01:39:00.001-07:00

Nak tunggu die render ni lame gile. Ade la kene beberape belas minit.

Then tetibe die crash T_T x sempat nk save sume yg td.

So aku pon hantar je mane yg sempat render (*satu pakai skylight sbb render lame tp sempat save) . Adjust sket2 kaler die then save. Nyesal buat last minute smpai x tido. Keesokan harinye aku demam ~_~.

sekian~

To do list

2009-07-14T22:35:00.000-07:00

bende yg perlu dilakukan buat mase ni:

1. Settlekan borang MARA
2. Pegi Mac OS X Workshop
3.Flash about myself
4. Update blog AAC
5. 3Ds Imax tutorial
6. 3D modeling assignment 1
7. Flash about bouncing ball with sandbags
8. dan lain2...

sekian~

2D animation yg terhad...

2009-05-21T10:24:00.000-07:00

Disebabkan mase yg diberi hanya 30 saat... ~_~ part yg last tu agak "laju killer"
ergh~! X puas hati!! aku nk remake balik! =_=

Title 1: You're the only one who catch my heart
Title 2: True love comes for who we really are

Sebab xtau nk kasi tajuk ape... letak 2-2 tajuk :P
Still x puas hati ngn assignment nyh... sbb kureng lawa T_T

tu la... buat lg last2 minute...

Camner nk ambk FA kalo camni... ~_~

Quiz Personaliti

2009-05-01T21:44:00.000-07:00

" Disitu kita mungkin kenal diri kita, buatkan juga untuk pasangan kita dan tengok persamaan, jauh dari perbezaan. Hendak cari perbezaan memang seratus kita akan jumpa dan hendak cari perbezaan, seribu yang akan menjelma. Tak wajib betul harus salah, setakat suka-suka, sekurang2nya kita ada panduan utk mengenal pasangan kita, atau saingan kita.

Semuanya ALLAH punya kuasa, tapi tentu setiap sesuatu itu ada rahsia yg tersembunyi. Kalau sekarang baru tahu bukan bermakna ia tak ada, tapi kita yang belum jumpa. Akhir kata, selamat bercinta buat kali pertama dan itulah yang pertama dan terakhir. Cinta untuk cita-cita kerana cinta bukan untuk ditangisi tapi dinikmati. "

-H. M. TUAH ISKANDAR

Frust?

2009-04-30T05:01:00.000-07:00

"Jgnlah kamu bersikap lemah, dan jgnlah pula kamu
bersedih hati, padahal kamulah org-org yg plg tinggi
darjatnya, jika kamu org-org yg beriman."

(al-Imran:139)

Identiti disebalik Mukabuku

2009-04-28T10:48:00.000-07:00

sila klik gambar

no rush = no regret

2009-04-25T02:40:00.000-07:00

Don't rush through growing up. It's a priceless feeling to be able to break one more glass, skip one more class. There will come a time where things will slow down. And we will miss our days when being young and reckless was all that meant to us. Every tree started from a bud. You will do great things one day, but till then, live freely and without regret.

(via peoplefish)

Who's that pokemon?

2009-04-15T05:59:00.000-07:00

It's......

I got this pokemon :D

who wants to try this quiz?
go try it yourself...
because I'm so lazy to tag others :P

Kesalahan

2009-04-13T06:25:00.000-07:00

"memang salah cara ko tu..."
"sebab cara ko tu salah..."

What's the different...?
No one is perfect...

but still... it is your fault.

Quote for the day

2009-04-05T00:12:00.000-07:00

Those who break the rules will move farther ahead - Sheikh@Fadhil

It is said that rules area meant to be broken...
Sometimes, rules are just get in your way for you to improve further.
and only those who have guts to break the rules will advanced to another level.
But first... Know the rules first before break it!

Unappropriate

2009-03-13T06:16:00.000-07:00

At first,
I found an accessory that I like,
So I took it and wear it,
I feel really happy about it.

After a while,
I came to realize,
That the accessory doesn't suit me more and more,
And I started to dislike it.

Should I throw it away?
Should I keep it in a safe place?
Or should I give it to someone else?
But I still love it even it's still doesn't suit me...

Unless it's magically change into something that suits me more~
Or should I the one who needs to change to suit it?

Alien?

2009-03-12T13:01:00.000-07:00

Why did I do like this?

Why did I do that?

Why did I still doing it?

Am I an alien?

Oh why Why WHY??

I am too weird to be called as a human being...
A robot? An alien?
Maybe I AM an alien that got left behind by the mother ship...
Then why they don't come and take me back?
Have they forgotten about me?
Am I not THAT important to them?

I am not suited to live in this beautiful land called Earth...
I felt all alone... merely because I don't care.

Twisted Mind

2009-03-09T05:45:00.000-07:00

I don't know what I'm feeling right now...

Quilter's World

I can't think right...

Getting Older

2009-03-08T23:30:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Fadhil~! :D
I'm 19 today~!
Yeah~!!

Someone make this for me <333
Thank you dear~ =)

by ilif

Fufu & Apek

2009-03-01T09:21:00.000-08:00

Al kisah 2 sahabat bernama Fufu & Apek sdg berborak dgn riang-ria~

F: lol
F: hahaha

A: mmg sah ym ngko penuh ngan cacing ngan kude trojan..maybe bukak blue kuat kot
A: ((gelak guleng2))
A: x thn la katekan

F: ko nyer pasal la neyh...

A: awat? ngan apat ok jer

F: connection dr blik sebelah yg byk maksiat infect laptop aku

A: ngan ngko je masalah
A: ha
A: sape prob sikalang
A: haiya
A: ini worang tarak tahan
A: salahkan sama gua
A: haiya

F: tarak tahan pg la berak

A: manyak tluk ini orang

F: haaa..
F: dah dah laaaaa

A: wa tarak cakap pasal berak

F: kang x buat lak keje ~_~

A: lu tiba tiba masuk itu berak

F: >_>
F: <_<

A: wa chatting sambil buat keja liao
A: lu chating....haiya
A: bukan chatting, tp cheating

F: ((diam sekejap))

A: haiya
A: ok la, gua paham lu punya tarak thn mau call dia

F: ~_~

A: wah
A: mmg lu tarak thn
A: jgn itu pancut sdah woo

F: ni...
F: dah masuk ke topic bahaya nie...

A: mana ada
A: mmg sejak dulu topik bahaya wor

F: aku xnk teroskan ~_~
F: dah ckp pasal pancut
F: hahaha

A: wa cakap pancut air sirap
A: lu piki apa haa!!??!?!

F: gua mana minom air sirap~
F: wa minom caffein saja~

A: wah
A: lu pancut itu air dadah ka?
A: o.O

F: haa..?
F: caffein itu dadah..?
F: wa mane maen2 pancut2
F: wa minom ajer
F: buat pe susa2

A: lu bukak itu yahoo or google, lu pi cari itu caffein la,
A: caffein kalau seludup same power ngan ganja liao

F: lol
F: same jer cam ubat
F: wa minum baper % jer
F: blom lagi high lor

A: wa tarak caya sama luu

F: caya larh~

A: maybe lu sedang HIGH ketika chatting sama gua

F: Percaya dgn Beras Jati~!

A: haa, mmg lu sedang high
A: wa panggil lu punya leng lui ar
A: wah
A: tarak boleh
A: nnt tangkap basah A: >.<

F: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
F: wa nk buat itu disk clean up

A: ooo

F: //membersihkan pemikiran yg kotor//

A: lu pnya disk manyak itu cacing dan kuda trojan dan vid blue ar?
Azhar: oo

F: //////////cleaning in progress/////////////

A: mmg lu ada donlod la kalau camtuh
A: kalau x lu tarak clean
A: clean itu disk

F: haisshh..
F: jgn kacaou lar

A: sudah kantoi sama gua

F: nanti loading jd slow

A: x pa x pa
A: nnt wa kasi taw itu sama ___ si ikan keli

F: ~_~
F: lu jgn kianati wa

A: itu "F" the horny sudah parah punya olang

F: lorh

A: patut la itu hari lu tamaw balik MMU awal
A: lu mau beli itu message oil ar?
A: o.O

F: haaa...?
F: ada wa beli ka..?
F: ke lu yg nk beli..?

A: wa tanya la
A: lu ada mau beli ka
A: haiya

F: lu soda sang up ka..?

A: ini BM manyak teluk

F: teluk apa..?
F: teluk intan..?

A: wa tanya laen, jawab lain, mmg ini orag manyak HIGH

F: wa tanak hai sama lu
F: wa nk low saja
F: geli geleman ///brrrrreeeghhhh///

A: eww, sapa mau lu punya ling gun hai
A: wa tarak mau
A: si ikan keli maybe liao

F: sapa kata wa mau bagi sama lu...?
F: wa punya high class mane murah bleh bagi free

A: waaa....ini kene report itu sama ikan keli, "F" the horny = "F" the horny GIGOLOOOOOOW

F: oh no...
F: lu gigolo yg berpengalaman...
F: wa tanak lawan

A: wa amek screenshot
A: ((tekan screenshot button))
A: ok, sudah
A: nnt mau kasi ___

F: lol

A: x pe, lu boley cakap ape saje, bukti sudah ade
A: miahahaha

F: weyh ~_~

A: wa cakap wa buat

F: buat la apa saja..
F: letak ler kat blog kalo nak

A: x mo, mau kasi hand to hand

F: //laptop stuck sekejap//

A: wah, terus senyap......alo alo...wai wai? me si?

F: ehh..
F: wa mau buat itu keja lar

A: alasan

F: messi..?

A: alasan lagi
A: jgn tuka topik liao
A: jgn marah ha
A: kalau x marah bagus
A: wa boleh teruskan ini topik

F: ((laptop stuck... xbleh buat ape2))
F: aih...
F: wa tanak teroskan...
F: kang laptop wa jd stuck mcm td

A: wa tarak pedulik

F: wa pedulik
F: lu tarak pedulik wa pdulik hapa

A: wa tarak pedulik jgak
A: wa tarak pedulik jgak
A: wa tarak pedulik
A: wa tarak pedulik
A: wa boleh teruskan ini topik
A: wa boleh teruskan ini topik
A: wa boleh teruskan ini topik
A: kalau x marah bagus
A: jgn marah ha

~Sangat bahaya utk diteroskan lagi...

p/s: berhati2lah apabila anda berchatting dgn "A"

A Road with a Hole

2009-02-28T05:10:00.000-08:00

I read something interesting today...

1. I walk on a road. And there was a hole. I fell into the hole and it's impossible to get out. It's not my fault.

2. I walk on a road with a hole. I fell into the hole and it's very difficult to get out. It's my fault.

3. I walk on the same road and I fell into the hole again. It is becoming a habit. I get out immediately.

4. I walk on the same road. But this time, I walk around the hole.

5. I took different road.

See how we change...? At least we need to do the same mistake thrice before we realize our mistakes.

Ram yg Hebat

2009-02-27T08:54:00.000-08:00

lepas jer submit assignment CG... keje DF lak yg mendatang. Ehh...tp Media Culture pon lom siap lagi ~_~ aihh... mse nk submit 1st assignment cg kat Encek Ram, ade seciput konversasi:

Mr Ram: Eh, cam kenal jer..
Aku: huh...? saper...?
Mr Ram: Yg ni... cam kenal awek ni (tunjuk kat cover design card valentine aku)
Aku: haa..? tu vector je kowt... ~_~

sengal nyer Mr Ram... sbb ram die hebat sgt. bnde yg spatutnyer x nmpak pon die leh nampak. huuh...dasat2. Korg sume kene berhati2...

Apology and forgiveness

2009-02-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry for the things I say that make you mad, cry and sometimes break your heart.

I'm sorry for the things I do that make you feel like I don't love you, care about you and cause you pain.

I'm sorry for the times that I have broken your heart, made tear drops fall down your cheeks and for being so cold, selfish and unkind to you.

I'm sorry for how bad I hurt your feelings that make you feel unloved and alone feeling afraid to love and trust again.

I'm sorry for not loving you the way you love me and for not caring for you as you care for me.

I'm sorry for the tears, pain, heartache and sadness that I have brought to your life.

I'm sorry for not loving you with all my heart and soul completely, fully and truly.

I'm sorry for times I make you cry yourself to sleep at night or feel like you can't sleep cause of all the times I have hurt you.

I'm sorry for not treating you the right way like a lady which is the way you deserve to be treated with love, respect and kindness.

I'm sorry for not ever sending you flowers, writing you a love letter or a love poem.

I wish I could turn back the hands of time to all the times I have hurt you, made you cry and broke your heart to make things right to show you that I love you more than anything and that you are the most important, special and the only person means everything to me.

I would get down on my hands and knees and ask if you would please forgive me for all those times I hurt you, made you cry, cause you pain and broke your heart cause I will never ever forgive myself for all those times until you can give me a chance to mend your heart and make your heart whole again knowing that I never forgot you, didn't ever stop thinking about you, never stopped loving you, caring about you and that you have place inside my heart.

My feelings for you never changed cause my feelings for you run deep like a river to the sea from my heart to my soul. I mean everything I say from the bottom of my heart and the deeps of my soul cause my heart would feel incomplete and my soul would feel empty until I have your forgiveness so I truly and honestly hope you can forgive me and give me another chance to love you cause loving you makes me a better man.

~In jiwang mode~

Lelaki & Wanita

2009-02-15T06:51:00.001-08:00

Lelaki:

Ketampanan, Kekacakan, Keindahan seorang lelaki bukan pada rupa fizikal, tetapi pada murni rohani….
Lelaki yang 'cantik'….
Adalah lelaki yang mampu mengalirkan air mata untuk ingatan,
Adalah lelaki yang sedia menerima segala teguran,
Adalah lelaki yang memberi madu, setelah menerima racun,
Adalah lelaki yang tenang dan lapang dada,
Adalah lelaki yang tak pernah putus asa,
Kecantikan lelaki berdiri di atas kemuliaan hati,
Seluruh kecantikan yang ada pada Muhammad s.a.w.
adalah keindahan yang sempurna seorang lelaki.

Perempuan:
Kecantikan, Keindahan, Keperkasaan serta Kegagahan seorang wanita bukan kepada pejal otot badan, tetapi pada kekuatan perasaan,
Perempuan yang gagah….
Adalah perempuan yang tahan menerima sebuah kehilangan,
Adalah perempuan yang tidak takut kepada kemiskinan,
Adalah perempuan yang tabah menanggung kerinduan setelah ditinggalkan,
Adalah perempuan yang tidak meminta-minta agar dipenuhi segala keinginan,
Kegagahan perempuan berdiri di atas teguh iman,
Seluruh kegagahan ini ada pada Khadijah yang Ehsan,
adalah kegagahan sempurna bagi seorang perempuan.

petikan dari blog http://everjihad.blogspot.com/

Pendirian yg berdiri

2009-02-14T17:06:00.000-08:00

Nak buat, salah... X buat, pon salah gak. Hmm... Life is never simple. Aku sedang cuba sedaya upaya aku utk melakukan semua ngn terbaik. Tapi mcm biasala... Siapa yg nampak pun?

Hanya Dia yang Maha-mengetahui memahami segala perkara yg berlaku. Tetapi aku sedih... Kerana aku sering terlupa akan-Nya. Betapa berdosanya diri aku ini. Aku telah terlupa segala nasihat dan didikan yg aku dpt sejak sekian lama. Masuk mmu jer aku dah terhanyut...sedikit demi sedikit. Solat byk aku tinggal... doa harian pun dah lupa... Al-Quran lagi la... Sebab apa? Sebab aku selalu mengikut org saja. Tapi adakah aku mengikut org yg betul?

Mungkin aku belum bersedia lagi. Belum bersedia utk menjalani kehidupan yg sedang aku jalani sekarang. Walaupun aku tahu perkara-perkara yg kurang menyenangkan akan berlaku, tapi aku lakukan juga. Kenapa begitu? Disebabkan nafsu? Sikap kebudakan dlm diri aku? Atau mungkin aku yg inginkan sgt? Ya... aku sememangnya belum benar2 bersedia. Disebabkan itu, aku takut pihak yg disebelah sana rasa sedih, x puas hati, kecewa, dan sakit hati... lalu aku mengambil langkah utk tidak mewujudkan ikatan yg jelas. Kerana aku tidak mahu pihak tersebut rasa rimas apabila berlakunya konflik dalaman. Dengan tidak mewujudkan ikatan, maka tiada ikatan yg perlu diputuskan... sekurang2nya, itulah apa yg aku rasa.

Aku x ingin salahkan sesiapa... Sebab aku pun apa bezanya. Utk memahami org sememangnya sukar. Tapi bukannya bermakna kita x boleh memahami org laen. Aku x harapkan org lain berubah supaya lbh sng utk difahami. Kalau nak kata aku ubah diri aku, mmg aku dah berubah jika nak dibandingkan dgn diri aku yg sebelum ini. Tapi cuma... mungkin bukan berubah kepada yg lebih baik...

Nampaknya aku sekali lagi telah mengecewakan org yg aku syg seperti dahulu. Cuma dari segi lain. Tapi semakin lama dia makin kecewa... Dan aku ingat perkara ini xkan berulang lagi... Kenapa begitu? Mungkin apa yg aku lakukan bertentangan dgn apa yg diharapkan.

Aku ada pendirian. Tapi x tahu la jika ia masih lagi berdiri...

let's charity, let's futsal!

2009-02-14T01:27:00.000-08:00

Want to play futsal? Want some prizes to be won? Then what are you waiting for...? Come register your team for the MMU Intervarsity Charity Futsal '09 competition! Come guys and girls to the Sunway Sports Planet this 14 & 15 March. Over RM 2000 to be won~! For more details, visit our blog
mmucharityfutsal.blogspot.com

Les Copaque production

2009-02-07T08:30:00.000-08:00

Memandangkan aku dpt tgk byk org da promo-promo Geng serta Upin & Ipin... nie ha~ aku pon nak promote gak :P tengok desktop wallpaper aku nie~ Screensaver pon aku pakai Upin & Ipin skali XD

Jangan lupe saksikan "Geng: Pengembaraan Bermula!" pada 12 Feb 2009! :D

utk download ringtone, wallpaper, screensaver or what so ever pasal Upin & Ipin, sila klik link ini:
www.gengthemovie.com
www.upindanipin.com.my

Question-Meme generator

2009-02-03T19:03:00.000-08:00

Juz updated my blog when I realized that I got tagged by her :p heh... it's not like a normal tag dat u guys or girls usually see. Since I'm not sure who would lurve to visit my blog, it is opened for everyone to try out this question-meme :D care to do it? C'mon then~! click HERE !

1. Have you dreamt of ili before?
heh... ofcourse ;) someday in the 3 weeks of holiday...

2. How would paez insult kimi?
"asal ngko nyer ram rendah?"

3. syfx just got vaporized in a freak accident. Now what?
Waah~ Bleh masuk HB3 or HB4 without being spotted! rofl XD
//jeles2...//

4. What do you think of sarah?
sarah? she's cool with epicness~ hahaha :P

5. Describe wani in one word.
bulat? (heheh... XP)

6. Hot nana on syera action - Yes/No?
rofl~! erm... yes? ngahahaha XDDD

7. What would you do if you hadn't met ida?
teman kimi pegi makan :D

8. Have you ever had lunch together with kimi?
please refer to the above question~ :p

9. Do you do anything special with fiqa?
haha~ no... I don't think so~

10. What's syera to you?
pembakar semangat~ :p

hmm... suddenly I feel want to tag some people...
ngan muke X malu...aku tag org2 ini:

~ Shamirul ( bakal doktor M'sia :D )
~ Nadya Chot ( sila-sila la buat :p )
~ CT Nur ( lame x dgr habaq... )
~ Shidi ( aku nk tgk camner ko wat tag nyh. hahaha XD )
~ Aslam ( saje xder keje :p )

ingat! jangan segan2 untuk click di SINI !

Harry Potter vs anai-anai

2009-02-03T07:18:00.000-08:00

bile balik je utk cuti sem 2... lps berbulan2 x sentuh koleksi novel Harry Potter kat rak buku... aku mule dgr bunyi "krok krek krok krek" byk kali kat sebalik buku-buku tu. Aku pon ape lagi... teros tarik buku Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince ke belakang... lps tu nk tau ape yg aku nampak...?

then... ape jadi ngn buku Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince aku tu...?

Tadaaa~!

"Ya Allah!" itu ape yg aku fikir. Apekah semua ini? Apa dah jadi dgn buku koleksi aku ni? Buku tu MAHAL Tuu~! lebih kurang RM 100 utk 1 buku! Sekarang dah hanco di makan anai2 ~_~

Lepas beberape hari kemudian, dtg la org anai-anai ke rumah. Buku2 yg lain2 pon kene gak, tp yg plg terok kene...semua novel Harry Potter aku~ lps aku kumpul sume buku2 Harry Potter tu, aku pon quarantine kan buku tu kat luar... kat tgh panas. Keesokan harinya (nsb baek la x hujan :P) aku pon pg cek balik buku2 tu... dan ini rupanyer...

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix aku~ T.T

asalnyer rata jer... sbb panas, die cam timbul lak

bahagian bwh buku tu ~_~ click gamba utk tgk anai2 yg dah mati

buku Harry Potter yg laen...

tgk ape anai2 tu buat kat dlm buku aku tuu... ~_~

mule2 camni... lps tu aku pg patahkan bhg atas tu jadi...

...camni. WARGH~! Buku aku dah jadi 100% sarang anai-anai!!

Waaahh~! TToTT habis la buku2 aku tu... x dpt nak diselamatkan lagi ~_~ yg paling terok kene aku rase yg "the Order of the Phoenix" sbb da transform jadi sarang anai2 teros. Seb baek la aku da hbis bace sume tu. Sekarang yg tinggal hanya buku final, "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows" nasib baek gak la aku pg tinggalkan novel tu kat hostel. Xder la kene makan ngn anai2 skali. Hanya 1 buku tu saja yg tinggal dr semua koleksi2 novel Harry Potter aku ~_~

Moral: jangan tinggalkan buku kat satu tempat dan x sentuh2 utk berbulan2 lamanya...

Identify personality from colours?

2009-02-03T02:34:00.000-08:00

I have done this a month ago, a quiz that determine our personality through selection of colours. It's so true that I can't deny it... i think it's called "ColorGenics"

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are trying to improve your position and prestige - be it in your life or in your workplace. Things are, at this time, OK - but they could be better. You feel that it is essential that you break down any opposition that could possibly lurk in the shadows. You know that you are quite capable of achieving this set goal because you have to and because it is essential to your self esteem.

You are confined and trapped in a distressing or uncomfortable situation and seeking some way out. Whatever you seem to do to resolve the problem hasn't worked out. Fortunately you are able to gain some aspect of relief from someone close to you.

You are being unduly influenced by the situation that is all around you. You do not like the feeling of loneliness and whatever it is that seems to separate you from others. You know that life can be wonderful and you are anxious to experience life in all its aspects, to live it to the full. You therefore resent any restriction or limitations that are being imposed on you and you insist on going it alone.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

heh... perhaps I'm the only one who clearly understands it. Then again... who would want to anyway? :D care to try it out? click here

Kesan daripada 13 Mei

2009-02-01T19:53:00.000-08:00

heh... ade klua kat surat khabar kosmo tu dulu. Kat front page dorg tulis "diserang geng parang kerana RM10" lol

Inverted Sharingan :P

Kesan: tak bleh angkat kening sebelah

Belah kanan kepala

Belah kiri kepala

Kesan: tak bleh wat stail rambut pendek sbb nmpak parut :P

Tapi kalo nk dibandingkan dengan kekejaman Zionis yg bunuh rakyat Palestin... Ni kire tak teruk langsung...

Skin Baru

2009-01-27T00:28:00.000-08:00

Bosan dgn kulit blog aku...
aku salin ke kulit yg laen...
tapi byk lagi bnde yg nk kene + kat skin baru nyh...
tunggu ajer la...

Sambungan kisah 13 Mei...

2009-01-23T10:44:00.001-08:00

...then mase kat umah jiran tu, tuan rumah tu dah lar mabuk darah. ngn kpala ktorg yg klua darah x henti2...tp die still tolong ktorg gak. so, aku amat berterima kasih pada org tu. heh2~

selain tu, jiran tu pon call2 mak aku tnye ape nk wat sbb die panic. die x tau nk wat ape. heh2~ bleh plak g tnye mak aku yg tgh risau pasal kedua2 anak die kene tetak... dah la mak aku kat highway mase tu. korang bayangkan la camne perasaan mak aku time tuh... ~_~

then mak aku pown gtau ar jiran aku tu utk hanta aku & adk aku kat klinik yg plg dkt dlu. yer la, nak kasi tutup dlu luka tu daripada x bwat ape2. so, smpai jer klinik ktorg trus pg kat kat doctor. mase tu ade gak la bebrape org yg ngah tnggu name dorg dipanggil. tp ktorg wat bodo jer & pegi potong ngn slumbernye giliran org laen. hahaha~

then bile da masuk kat dlm bilik doktor tu, aku pon pg baring kat atas tempat yg org2 slalu baring tu ble sakit (bkn katil eyh) adek aku plak dibaringkan kat tempat laen, aku x nmpak ktner. mase ngah baring tu, nurse suh aku bukak baju... lol yer la sbb byk darah kat baju, dorg ingatkan ade luke kat badan. lps da bukak baju, nurse tu pon lap darah2 yg ade kat badan. (jgn bygkan camner) heh2~ tp sblum, dorg pg gunting rambut aku utk cari kat mane luke tu.

lps da jumpe, doctor pg inject bius n jahit luka2 yg die nmpak. heh2~ aku leh ingat sket2 ape yg doctor ckp mse die tgk luka kat kpala aku tu:

Doktor: ish...tgk tu. arteri die dah putus...terpancut2 darah tu. Kene jahit nie.

hmm...camtu la lbey kurg ape yg die kate. aku x ingat sgt. then x lame lps tu, sedare aku pon sampai. sepupu aku nangis gile2... hahaha... aku pon heran tengok sbb aku da rase cam ok sket mase tu. tapi ayah sedara aku buat cam aku n adek aku ni da xleh idop lama. hahaha~ serius jer muke. (but why so serious?) =p then x lame pastu, pakcik aku tu pon hanta aku ke Hospital Kuala Lumpur, adek aku lak jiran yg hantarkan. aku x pakai baju lak time tu...sejuk jer rase air cond dlm kete. hahaha~

So, bile sampai jer HKL, aku dihantar terus ke wad kecemasan. disebabkan aku x larat sgt nak jalan sbb byk kehilangan darah, pakcik aku dptkan wheelchair utk aku. hahahah...dah la x pakai baju mase lalu2 kat dlm hospital. Heh...ader la org pandang2 kat aku. Tak tau asal...badan aku "tough" sgt kowt. wakakaka XDD

heh...lepas tu aku di baringkan kat salah satu katil kat dlm wad kecemasan. Adek aku lak dihantar ke tempat laen sbb die kene pegi X-ray dlu, pastu dok kat wad laen. Aku diberi injection kat tangan dan dimasukkan bnde ape tah utk masukkan air ke dlm bdn aku (sbb byk darah ilang, dan stock darah x ckup sbb korang sume malaz nk derma darah =p ) kat wad tu mcm2 aku nmpak...ade org kene slash kat muke... ade yg kene tembak kat kaki...yg org kene tembak tu meraung giler2 tahap Dewa 19 lorh~! hahaha...kene tembak tu... jgn memain...

Untuk beberape ketika aku dibiarkan sorg2 kat katil...aku cube nk periksa tahap pemikiran aku utk pastikan xder sebarang memory loss (sbb aku heran asal aku nak cakap pon stuck2 jer...) so aku wat cam bebrape soalan... 1 + 1 = 11, ingat blk name aku = Padey ...try sbut bnde2 merepek: "Mungkin masa aku telah tiba..." berzikir... etc etc. heh...lps tu baru la pg jahit lagi luka2 kat paler aku neyh. Sbb kat klinik td jahit sket jer. Giler slumber je doktor tu gunting rambut aku... x reti gunting rambut langsung, lagi teruk dari kedai barber shop...siap shave lagi. Care shave lak cam gune pemotong kulit lobak tu. OWH~! Baru la aku tau asal rambut aku rosak! dah x selurus cam dulu lagi...ceyh~ X gune ko doktor! Tapi...sbb ko jahit luka aku. So...aku maafkan =p

Heh...lps tu baru la sedara-mara & jiran2 datang lawat aku. Mase tu parents aku da smpai hospital (mak aku g sana sini utk tgk aku & adek aku. ayah aku lak pg wat police report). Muke dorg sume seryes jer... aku yg tgh baring kat katil ni lak cume tersengih jer tgk dorg sume. Boleh senyum smpai naek ke telinga tu... hahaha~! Tapi seriously... time tu memang aku ingat mati. Aku fikir yg aku ni da byk wat dosa... Pahala aper je la yg ade utk tampung akhirat nanti ~_~ hmm...pastu aku rase cam sejuk je kat leher aku... Ingatkan ape la... rupe2nye darah meleleh dari kepala lagi O.O eih...Doktor tu x jahit sumer (padahal aku yg kate da xder luka lagi sbb giler seram doktor tu shave rambut aku >_> ) heh...then pg la pnggil doktor suh jahit lagi.

hmm... sbb aku x berbaju (heh..bleh terlupe lak =p ), mak aku g ambekkan ape2 baju yg ade kat dlm kete. Dalam kul 2-3 pagi aku dah bleh balik. Pastu baru la aku jumpe adek aku yg da kene balut paler die (aku langsung x jumpe adek aku mase kat hospital sbb die masuk wad laen). Die lg seryes sbb doktor kate cam ade kesan 1 line kat tengkorak die. Tapi seb baek la sket jer...

Ktorg ingatkan da bleh balek umah time tu... rupe2nye kene pg balai polis lak. Aih...aku mmg da rase cam nk tido dah. Aku, adek aku & parents aku pown pg la jumpe encik polis tu kat dlm ofis dyer. Huuh...bersepah aku tgk. heh2~ aku x ingat ape yg ktorg sembangkan, tp lps dlm 1/2 jam, ktorg ditangkap gamba utk difailkan ke ape tah. Aku n adek aku siap berposing maut lagi~ hahaha! XDD

Lepas tangkap gamba sume, baru la ktorg blk umah. huuh...ngantok gyler ah. Mase tu dlm kul 4 pagi camtu. aku pown terus masuk blik n landing atas katil nk tido~ ZzzZzz...

THE END :D

Kisah 13 Mei 06

2009-01-09T16:13:00.000-08:00

hari ini, hari yg plg bersejarah. tau nape?
sape yang tau, die tau la. haha. wtv~

13 mei bukan a b'day aku, tp sejarah idup aku.
same a gak cam sejarah M'sia 13 Mei thn bape tah.
(yang pergaduhan antara kaum tu) haha.
so, this is the story laa. enjoy~

13 mei 2006,

aku ngan adik aku baru balek dari skola. agak2 dalam kul 7 cmtu.
ktorg blek jalan kaki. dan mklum la, umah ktorg dekat ngan kubur.
haha. so, wat tataw je ape yang ade kat sane =P . ktorg jalan a tepi kubur neh.
ade la nampak pak cik jiran umah aku neh. huhu... nmpk die, snyum je la.
n then x lame pastu, ktorg smpai umah.

biase a kat umah, wat a pape yang ptut. parents ktorg xde.
aku tinggal ngan adk aku je.
yang len sume blek kampung kat Melaka. ktorg x ikut sbb ade 'hal' kt skola.
so, ibu ade ckp; masak kat umh je tuk makan malam. (sbb aku yg nk masak) haha =P
tapi ktorg tuka angin lak, maw mkn kt lua.
so, ktorg btau a parents, nak pegi makan lua. parents pun bagi je.

ktorg pegi a makan kt kedai yang dekat2 a. sebab jalan kaki je. haha. jauh x larat a.
makan simple2 je. huhu. duit pun brape je la sgt nak makan mahal2. haha.
paling2 pun ade a dlm RM10 kat poket ktorg. lepas makan, ktorg blek umah.
smbil jalan kaki. mase tu agak2 dalam pkul 8.45 cmtu.

on the way nak blek, adek aku ade a nmpk 2 org mamat neh duk kt simpang.
ntah ape a dorg wat.
ngan ade sebuah motosikal RXZ kut dpn dorg. adek aku pandang dorg skali lalu jew.
dorg plak pandang ktorg cam nak bunuh org. haha. pastu, aku ngan adek aku, wt slambe.
wat2 xnmpk. bile da dekat gile nak sampai umah, ade a org nek moto.
dorg wat u turn ble nmpk ktorg.
ade due org. org yang duk belakang moto turun. pastu die tnye;

mamat: dik, jalan keluar sentul mane?
aku: ntah. tataw kat ne.

die tnye due kali a smbil tengok kanan kiri ntah ape a.
cari jalan kelua kut. haha. org sesat en, mklum la.

lepas due tiga kali die tnye..

die keluakan parang dari blakang slua die. pastu tolak2 adek aku, minx beg duit.
adek ngn slambe wat x terkejut sebab da biase tengok parang kut. so x kesa je.
haha. n then kwn die yang lagi sorg pun turun dari moto keluakan parang n trus ckp;

mamat: Haa~! nampak neyh?
aku: Haa...? (aku x nmpak ape yg die pegang. cam batang panjang kaler itam pe tah) =p

sorg pegi kat adek aku, sorg lagi pegi belasah aku.
yang org ngan adek aku neh, die agak pengecut.
sebab die x berani pukul adek aku. haha. da a bdn kecik nak tunjuk hero la?
so, die suh adek aku duduk je.
sambil mintak barang2 adek aku. dialog dorg agak camni ;

mamat: bagi aku beg duit ngn phone!
adek aku: beg duit kat umah. phone tak de.

padahal ade kt poket. haha. siut je. padan muke ko aa!
tp mase die tanye adek aku tu, aku kene belasah teruk.
aku pun x taw asal adek aku x pegi tolong aku.
die bley duk wat bodo tgk aku kene blasah.
adek aku ngn mamat yg sangat baik hati nak jge adek aku ni, tgk a aku ngn mamat lagi satu gado2.
pakai parang keyh? agak seram a... tapi aku ley tahan agi.

lepas bape minit kemudian, mamat yang jage adek aku ni nampk ade org datang.
so, die ajak membe die suh bla je tanpe dapat pape. haha. padan muke korg!
but but, sebelum die blah. die bagi hadiah kt adek aku. tetak kepale adek aku belah kiri skali. huh...
die x a rase saket mane pun, cume rase cam kene ketuk ngan kayu. tapi darah banyak kelua.
n then, dorg blaa. baju aku ngan adek aku, dari lawa2 trus penuh ngan darah.
bukan baju je, slua skali.

pastu, adek aku cpt2 suh aku call parents. cakap kene tetak. so aku pun ngn x larat cube gak kol.
tp aku susa maw cakap, sebab kene tetak banyak kali. aku cume dpt ckp;
darah..aa.. darah.. aaa... (sebab terperanjat, x leh nak ckp pape)
adek aku kene tetak skali, so die bley a cakap.
dengar suare selambe, lek, cool. haha. ibu aku ckp die pun menggelabah dengar cite ni, tp bile dengar suare adek aku, die ingat maen2.
x caye en? suare cam bese, tapi badan sume kene darah. n then, family aku ntah cane.
dari Melaka nak dtg KL dlm 45 min kut. punye la laju. biase ktorg blek kampung pun 2 jam.

n then, org yang lalu td, terus pegi kat ktorg. tnye ape jadi a sume. seb baek umah die dekat.
actually, bkn a umh die. sedare die pnye umh.
dkt je. so ktorg jalan a pegi umah die smbil adek aku pegang tempat kene tetak tu n aku tadah je darah yg menitis.
adek aku rase kulit kepala die koyak agak besa ngan panjang. pas sampai umah org neh je, die bagi a kain. ktorg pon tutup ah luka kat kepala. huhu...

opss!~ suda panjang gile ah! to be continue~
huhu.

thank you. x)

[dicilok dan diubahsuai dr blog adek aku, Hafidz
hehehe]

Furenzu @ Friends

2009-01-03T19:55:00.000-08:00

Dedicated to all my friends in MMU who have been with by my side throughout the year of 2008...

Friends by Stephanie:

from Gundam 00 2nd ed - Friends

Majlis Gemilang Adiladha 08

	While we wore the same smiles, We passed through the years together. The sceneries kept changing, And we struggled to accept it.
	I throw away my useless pride. May kindness come to this world.
	I Gotta Say Even if I show off my bravery and my strength, I can't survive alone. Our promise from that day, It remains firmly in my heart, even now.
	laying on the ground~ New encounters come after each farewell. I find light down a new path, and move on. Since the day I was born, That has been the way my life is molded.
	Before we realized it, We have both found our own futures.
	I Gotta Say Even if you are far away where I can't meet you, There's a resilient bond between us. "May my dreams come true." I am praying from the bottom of my heart. We're friends forever. We pledged to meet again someday, Crossed our little fingers, And set out that day, For unseen destinations, And though we may be lost, We are making progress, Always. Yeah~!
	Through the changing seasons, And this fleeting moment, I listen to these nostalgic melodies. Even when I become an adult, Some things won't fade, Like our precious memories.
	I Gotta Say Even if I show off my bravery and my strength, I can't survive alone. Our promise from that day, It remains firmly in my heart.
	As life goes on... I mustn't forget, yeah. Don't let it go... I remember this vast land and my friends. Blendatron 2.0

For all of us...

2008-12-20T08:35:00.000-08:00

You are so weak...

I mean..
You ARE weak

No... Really...
YOU ARE !@#$%^&*DAMN WEAK!

You must adapt to wherever you are...

But It's not about where you are,
It's about what you do...

Don't expect...Don't assume...

You can't get everything you want...
But...
You will not get the thing that you want most.

Don't just run away~
Fix the things that's broken...
Doesn't matter whether the fault is on you or others...

For crying out loud,
JUST FIX IT!

Come On!!

Open up your eyes!
There are lots of possibilities...
But don't stick to just the negatives one.

Sometimes you can't always get help...
But don't blame on others for your problems.

Your problems is yours to settle...
If you want help, you can always ask...

But don't put your hopes too high...
It's not their fault for being unhelpful or non supportive.

In the future...
All of these are the common things.

It's time to grow up~!

So Immature

2008-12-18T19:41:00.000-08:00

We are not perfect...
Everyone have a weakness.
But to make fun of their weakness...that is so immature.

When people said too much, they reveal themselves easily without knowing it.
Being an observer, I get to know more about them..

And so, I try to be tolerant...
Trying to accept other people's weaknesses...
Let them say whatever they want to say...

To think that they always did the right thing...
And others are stupid enough not to understand it...

But I remember a quote:

"For other to understand you, You must seek to be understood"

...and Don't Assume!...

Assumption is the mother of all disaster!

To think that I have no problems...
That I don't know everything yet...

Owh..
So you knew everything...?
Really? Wow!
But what you do...?

We can't always expect others to give whatever we want.
Try to look on yourselves on a mirror for once.
And think...

"Where did I do wrong...?"

Sorry...
I may look like always calm.
And keep quite most of the time.

But I to have feelings like other imperfect people...

Just A Crack

2008-12-16T04:36:00.000-08:00

I can endure this...

A Cracked Heart

It's just something that I need to get through...

Wedding Season..?

2008-12-14T18:19:00.000-08:00

There's a lot of wedding ceremony held a few days ago...

My friend's siblings...
My roommate's siblings...
His teacher...

and other people out there who have a wedding on the same day.

and as usual (well...not THAT usual),
as a member of PSSGM,
performing silat on a wedding ceremony is a norm.

Me and my bro (Hafidz) performing bunga simbah

After attend quite a number of wedding ceremony,
I thought to myself...
"When will my turn come?"

~LOL~

Loneliness...

2008-12-03T20:24:00.000-08:00

As I sat in my lair....
Only boredom and emptyness fill in this shell.
The dullness taking up the empty spaces,
Where does the joy & cheerfulness gone..?

*staring...

Is there someone who is waiting for me out there?

*staring again...

come here and hug me... lol~!

The 1st phase of days of restlessness have passed,
Now come another phase...
Oh boy, how I miss my bed and pillow ~_~
Can't wait to celebrate my youngest bro this Sunday <3

Sheikh Ahmad Haiqal turn to 6 dis 7th December~!

:D Happy Birthday Haiqal~! <3

Tagged? alamak...

2008-11-14T02:53:00.000-08:00

Well...I think I can write something for this tag thingy.

Got tagged by paez

Hmm...7 things about me...

1. I'm a shy person. That is why sometimes I don't talk too much. That is also the reason why I'm hard to get close to someone.

2. I get jealous easily. I felt jealous in all sort of reasons but try not to let it show. I often get very jealous of others but I am capable at controlling my emotions publicly. When I feel that other people are winning things that I deserve, I will get very upset, but I won't hurt anybody else by making a scene. My jealousy is private.

3. I always want to do so many things at once but eventually I might not achieve anything. Sometimes, I think that I'm capable to do anything... even though I'm not.

4. I'm a very sensitive and fragile person. I can get touched easily by things whether it is violence or romance.

5. I always wanted to do better, even it means pushing myself over my limits~

6. I'm a very careful person. Almost everything I do, I will make sure that it is the most reasonable thing...Even about revealing myself to others. I'm an efficient person but always need time to think through issues before taking action. I was called as "Mr Perfect" b'coz of my carefulness.

7. I'm prone to hold myself back. My inner desire never really had a chance to show it. I've let go a lot of chances without taking any risks. Safety first.

Well...that's all I can think of right now. I'm at a state of feeling terribly sleepy. ~_~
Doesn't want to tag anyone else...because my bed is calling me~
heheheh... :p

This 3 weeks...

2008-11-05T18:02:00.000-08:00

There are many things to do yet I did so little... along this 3 weeks of holiday, I've become a driver to both of my brothers ~_~! But the truth is, I kinda lazy to drive them to school... But what to do... it's my responsibilities...

Other than that, My brother is having his SPM exam this year. Please pray for him so he can answer the exam easily~ n_n!

graduation day @ Crown Princess Hotel

Go for Straight A's~!

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

With muh frens~

Even in this holiday, I was able to hang out with some of my friends to fill the emptyness in this whole week of boringness. (Yeah, as usual...we hang out at cc 1st before going anywhere else~) :p

tbun network internet cafe (http://www.tbun.com/)

hang out at J.Jusco with kudot & king~

king playing with his handphone :P

ni keje kudot la nie ~lol~

3 orang tapi ade 5 nset ?

~~~~~Hari yang seterusnya~~~~~

So we went to TGV to watch a cool movie. But they have planned to watch "Tropical Thunder"... I thought I want to watch HSM3~ lol. And they laugh at me. hahaha...

look at them laugh! haha

jahatnyer ktorg p ajak Talib. die da la tengah dalam study week :p

on the way back to home

*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*~~~*

Narutimate Ninja~!

My little brother got caught by my soul posession jutsu! haha... Now he also become addicted to Naruto's stuffs~!

"abg Fadhil! cepat tangkap gambar!" lol

trying on my lil bro's naruto jacket

suprisingly...it "fits!" haha~

A change of heart

2008-10-21T07:35:00.000-07:00

Why does heart changes so fast...yet hard to accept...?

Changes when you saw:

something new,
something different,
something better,
something attractive,
something interesting...

Ohh... and the keyword between the 2 words is "more"

The 1st and the 2nd one is the main reason why people's heart hard to accept...
They will think twice at least...
Personally, for me, I think more than twice.

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Will this heart ever stops from searching...?
Who/what will grab my heart...?
Is it even possible..?

Please prove me wrong~~

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But then,
I shouldn't put my hopes too much...
I'm suppose to be the one to give,
and not to accept blindly.

When they need me,
Am I able to be there to give comfort...?
Do I have the power to do so...?
My heart is confused because I'm hesitating...

~Till now, I wanted to reveal myself so badly...but will they accept it?~

It's just only the begining

2008-10-19T14:32:00.000-07:00

First trimester has finally ended. Looking back to the road that leads me here was really thrilling, full of tense, laughter, confusion, rushing, less sleep, etc.[Euphoria]. Well, but my time management really is terrible! T_T. Apart from thrill, I also regret for what I have not done...I missed most of my Co-Curricular activities:

I missed the EMiNA's ice breaking session,
I missed the IU's ice breaking session,
I missed the AGM for CMC....

[The reason that I didn't attend....I was lazy and overslept during the time. heh2...]

The only thing that keeping me active was the PSSGM training session. Well, I just wanted to continue my training where I left off. I didn't want to waste what I have learned all this years just like that. Then, the first "BIG" activity that I join was the CCIP and it's really is an interesting program. I spend a lot of time preparing for the opening ceremony...and for the Grand Dinner, I get to eat sushi for free!! [yeah!]

Well, enough for the activities...the submission of assignments was really a pain in the ass. Too much work to do, yet too much things to do. The money flows away like a river T_T. I really need to change and plan my time management better...also the budget. No more last minute works.

But...
I tends to forget the people who supported me before. Who helped me in a lot of ways. I'm so ungrateful...

Most of the time...I realize that maybe I've become so numb. I've become the person that doesn't care about anything. But again...maybe I'm too soft-hearted...that I'm the one who's faking the numb feelings to cover it. Sometimes I didn't even know who I really am. What was I like back then..? Who have I become? Am I really myself before...or I am myself right now? Am I just imitating someone...? So much question to the question that I questioned...yet very less answer.

I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
become so tired, so much more aware
By becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know you were just like me with someone disappointed in you...

{taken from Linkin Park: Numb}

I am sensitive, yet I am numb. Hard to felt sad & angry for someone...yet I'm easily sad & angry to myself. Am I selfish? But then...who wasn't? We're all wear mask. Life is but a masquerade...dances and acts on the stage called world. Full of lies and pretending...who can fools anyone who knew each other...

I wanted to change...I wanted to be able to accept...I wanted to be close with. Maybe, I should stop and let go my past. I need to think for the future...I need to plan for these 3 weeks of holidays to better understand myself.